I never really thought about becoming a mother. I knew in
some abstract sense of the word that I wanted a family someday but I never
considered the nuances and ins and outs of motherhood. Until I became a mother
that is. Motherhood is the most rewarding yet exhausting job that I have ever
had and my baby is my toughest employer. She is not clear with her expectations
and what she wants changes on a daily basis. When she was first born, family
and friends told me that the first few months are the most challenging and now
that we have made it to four months I must say that it has gotten a little
easier (or maybe I have just become accustomed to sleep deprivation?). Nothing
can ever prepare you for motherhood and everyone’s experience is different.
That being said, I would like to share with you the top things I have learned
in the past 4 months, with the hope that it helps you to know that you are not
alone.
- You
will be exhausted… ALL THE TIME.
Nothing could have prepared me for
the exhaustion that I would face as a new mom. My baby loves to eat and I don’t
think I slept more than two hours a night for the first three months. Let me be
clear, when I use the term exhaustion, I am not talking about the “ partied all
night and had to make it to my 8 am class while still dripping in alcohol” type
of exhaustion (I hear that happens sometimes in college?). That type of
exhaustion can easily be fixed by a good nap and some fried food (so I hear). I
am talking about the kind of exhaustion where you run the washer without
actually putting clothes in (yes I did that… more than once). I am talking
about the type of exhaustion where you fall asleep when company comes over to
see the baby (yes I did that too). The bad news? Exhaustion is terrible and it
can make you kind of mean. The good news? Its only temporary and your life (and
your sleeping habits) will one day become normal again. I hope.
- You
will hate your husband.
Of course you love your husband…
but at times you also hate your husband.
Those of you that have ever
contemplated smothering your husband with a pillow while he sleeps soundly
despite the cacophony of sounds that can come from a crying baby will know
exactly what I am referring to. Don’t worry, this too passes. Otherwise we
would all be only children.
- You
will hate your body.
You will hate your body. Of course
you will be proud of your body, the body that created such a magnificent,
perfect little person, but you will also hate your body. I had a pretty tough
labor – I was induced for 24 hours and then had to have an emergency C-section
and my body bares the scars. Flabby stomach, hanging skin, fuller hips, bigger
thighs. And I hate it. Maybe you will be lucky and be one of those “ pregnancy
unicorns”, those rare women whose bodies quickly return to their pre- pregnancy
shape, whose stomachs you can bounce a quarter off of the week after delivery
(I have a friend like this…. I now hate her too) but more than likely your body
will show the aftermath of pregnancy for quite some time. And that’s okay… at least
that’s what I tell myself. For now, I just try to avoid mirrors.
4. You will become
obsessed with poop.
The size, the color, the smell, the
consistency, the frequency. The ins and outs of baby poop will become a major
topic in your life as a new mom. You will research poop, you will talk about
poop, sometimes you will even wear poop. It’s all part of the fun.
- You
will compare yourself with all other mothers.
Am I doing it right? Is she a
better, more committed mother because she slept on the floor of her baby’s room
for a week after transitioning said baby to her crib? Am I a bad mom because I
let my baby cry for a minute while I finished my shower? Am I selfish because I ask a relative
to baby-sit so I can get my highlights done? Am I good enough?
- You
will gain a newfound love and respect for your own mom.
Like most mothers and daughters, my
mom and I can have a bit of a tumultuous relationship. We have always been
close but for the most part, we have gotten closer since my daughter was born.
I think I finally understand the level of sacrifice that motherhood entails and
my mom sacrificed all of my life, without so much as a complaint. She deserves
all the gold stars in the world and I only hope that I can live up to this
example with my own daughter.
- You
will wear spit up like an accessory.
I am always covered in spit up. My shirt, my hair, my bra,
everything is a target. My baby is super talented and she can actually use her
spit up as a projectile and aim it at will. For me, spit up is the new black. I
have come to accept it and my friends have finally stopped asking me what is on
my shirt.
- You
will feel pressure to join mom groups.
Before you even deliver your child,
the pressure will begin. You will hear about play groups, mommy and me and meet
up websites for moms. You will get recommendations on which groups are the best
and what groups to avoid because the moms are weird. Maybe it’s just me but the
last thing I wanted to do was join a mom group. Between the exhaustion, the spit
up and the lack of acceptable clothing, I did not want to leave my house for
the first couple of months. I was happy to just spend time with my baby and to
avoid the outside world for a while. I deserved the break. And this is also
okay. When I join a mom group, and I am sure I eventually will, it will be when
I am ready, not because my friend’s neighbor’s aunt suggested it.
- You
will be inundated with messages from other women that you haven’t spoken
with in over 10 years, just because your babies are the same age (and that
means you should be friends).
Maybe it’s just me, but between
Facebook messenger, Instagram and text message I have received countless
messages from women I have not seen or spoken to in over a decade. These
messages sometimes come from women I was never friends with, women I never even
liked. Apparently there is some social norm that dictates when you have babies
that are the same age, you must be friends.
- You
will be happier than you have ever been before.
It might be hard to imagine but in
spite of the exhaustion and the flabby stomach and the self-imposed isolation,
you will be happy. Possibly happier than you have ever been before. You will
look down at this tiny baby (or not so tiny baby, as the case may be) and you
will be filled with an overwhelming sense of love and admiration. I have come
to believe that this feeling is the most wonderful feeling in the world and
might even be worth a flabby stomach and unsightly thighs.
